Parched creativity.

Today is Friday, the end of another “first week of classes”, and I have found myself saying, “Finally!” After a year of anticipating my return to Northland, I thought I would be saying, “Finally—I am learning again!” or “Finally—it’s so good to be back!” And though both of these statements are very true, I find myself saying, after only one week, “Finally—the week is over!” I thought I would make it to at least week six. Looking at this week in retrospect, I think of two words that describe the week that have led me to this point: humbling and overwhelming.

It’s funny, when one thinks of being humbled, they automatically think of a prideful person with a bursting ego that needs brought down, at least, one notch. Though I have gone through my share of ego-busting humility cases, this scenario is different. 

In this scenario, I jumped in head first, completely aware of my inabilities. This case started when I said, “I do” to my best friend this summer. Though, I would say, in my 1-month assessment, that humility is a good quality to possess and utilize in the marriage relationship. Then we moved back to school and the humbling experience of never having been a wife and caretaker of my very own home began. I have always loved to decorate, cook and clean, but the entire weight of a home has never been mine to manage. There is also the part in which I am learning about Andrew as a husband and myself as a wife, how we have lived our lives separately and now merging them together into one—lets just say, it’s a humorous experience of which I’m sure there are many entries to come based off of this topic. Then the job came, one that I knew from the start would be a hard, stretching, mentally demanding job. I have come to find that when an opportunity lands in my lap, I am 99.9% sure that God has a greater idea in mind than I had for myself. So I took it, a 20-30hr job as the Graphic Designer for Northland. Then throw in full-time classes, where I have found myself in some of the most humiliating situations. Sitting out of school for a year must have killed off some of those “quick-thinking” brain cells. Finally, sprinkle in a few specks of a social life, and color me overwhelmed. Not to mention, my creative juice is suffering from the lack of time that I have to offer it.

The various scenarios that I mentioned above though it may seem like a venting session, I am reminded to appreciate. Even at the times that I don’t feel like doing so. I find that a little bit of an overwhelmed mind and a humbled heart reminds me of my inability and absolute need for God.

• Reminding me that God works in and through a willing and humbled heart.
• Reminding me of God’s grace in providing these great opportunities.
• Reminding me that life isn’t about me in the first place.

And when I look to God, see His hand in my life, how He has always provided, always cared, always led, always grew me through past difficult times, I cannot help but be overwhelmed with inexplicable joy. If these personal “difficulties” bring me closer to Christ in the end, well—that makes me excited, to put it lightly.